Even before our birth, others, our mothers, our fathers, the doctors, our siblings, have already started counting our time for us, from conception to emergence. And then after to begin worrying for us, that our time here will be all too brief, and for some, all too long.
The clock, the calendar, they rule our lives. We worry when we have too little time, we are in too much of a rush; we fret when we have too much time, feeling as if we are stuck in a waiting room of our lives waiting for life itself to “begin,” when it has really carried on unabated. In our youths, we think we have forever, even if there are those who do die young. In our old age, we grieve over what time we have left. Yet if we allow ourselves to be ruled by the clock, we find ourselves almost as if we wish each event to be over so we can hurry on to the next. Yet if we don’t abide by time, we find ourselves missing opportunities, trains, examinations and appointments.
We are short on time, and yet we need to take the time. That is the essential paradox of phenomenal time. What we are in short supply of, we need to expend wisely, and yet if we pack our days with too many activities, we burn ourselves out by burning too brightly, and risk life rushing by us altogether, missing the very thing we are grasping for. We have to respect time, and yet not respect it too much. It is our tool, we do with it as we will. It frames our lives, making whatever time we have precious by dint of the limited amounts we have of it. All we can do is to preserve it, but preserving it too much, being too careful and miserly with it, can make what time we have seem endless and foreboding. We have to respect the clock and the calendar, yet not allow it to rule us. We have to care about time, but not care too much.
Here are some thoughts on how we can do this. Let’s start with the basics and then move on to the more vital:
1) Don’t procrastinate: Procrastination wastes time. Once we have decided, take action. How will delaying help?
2) Respect other people’s time: They, like you, are also coping with being short on time. Making people wait is disrespecting their time. If you don’t want people to disrespect your time, don’t do it to others.
3) Take the time: Take the time to do what is important to you. If you enjoy music, then spend time listening to it. If you love reading, then be sure to find time to do so each week at least.
4) Figure out what is important to you: Sounds easy and obvious but this is actually pretty hard. One way to find out what is important to you is to spend time doing what you suspect might be a candidate. Say you think you want to learn a new language. Well, try it, so you can work out whether you enjoy it. It might not be a breeze, it might even seem unenjoyable since languages are fun once you are good at them but to get good requires a lot of time and effort. To help you stay on track, try to recall why you even wanted to do it in the first place. If the reasons no longer exist or are not important, or if it is simply too much to handle, and you give up, I guess it wasn’t so important to you in the first place. It is ok; forgive yourself, perhaps you aren’t ready at this moment, for a multitude of reasons.
5) Don’t be too hard on yourself: Remember that we are becoming; we aren’t already fully formed from the start. Just like we physically grow, from a child to an adult, we also need to grow mentally, spiritually, emotionally etc. We didn’t just get from crawling to running in one single bound, we needed to learn how to walk also, and then we also needed to fall down over and over again, and in the process learn how to walk. Imagine if we just gave up trying to walk. We’d still be moving around on all fours. The falling and mistakes are what prepares us to be able subsequently.
6) Avoid spending time in what isn’t important to you: To spend time doing stuff you dislike is unavoidable – queuing up to pay for your groceries, waiting for the bus, checking in to your flight – but if you want food, transport and travel, these pains are part of the deal. What I was more thinking of are the truly unnecessary activities, like obsessing over what your “friends” are doing on social media or engaging in pointless gossip. I do not mean entertainment activities that help us relax and have fun, we need those. See point 3.
7) Plan: Planning takes time but it is time well spent. Only by thinking through what it is that you want, and the steps required to get there, can you coherently then approach your goal and know you are getting there. Plans, once made, however are not cast in stone. Sometimes, we have to know when and why our plans have gone awry, so we can change lanes, or stop driving altogether. We can only do all these if we have a plan since otherwise, we don’t even realise we are lost.
8) Prepare: Even the best plans fail for want of an ability to execute them. So we have to be ready and be equipped to effectively carry out our plans. We need to train. And training takes … yes, time. It cannot be helped. To do something well, either you are a prodigy at it, which means this article does not apply to you, but if you are just average, or perhaps above average, then you need to train. If you are below average, it simply means you need to train even more. Yes, you heard right. If you are not good at something and you want to be good at it, then it just means you have to make even more effort. Or you can just shy away and quit. You decide, it is your life. Sure, for some things, you can perhaps avoid. But running away isn’t always the solution. If you cannot cycle well, well, cycle more so that you can learn to cycle well. If you cannot play the piano well, guess what, practice more, more than what an average person will need to practice. Or moderate your expectations to realise what might take just one year might take in your case two. That is, if it is something you want, then work harder for it if you know it doesn’t come naturally to you or that you are not good at it. Or expect it to take longer. What choice is there really? All that takes time, so be patient with yourself.
9) Be patient with yourself: Perhaps you know what your strengths and weaknesses are. If you want to overcome them, you need to invest time and effort. Because you are weak at it, it means you need to take even more time and put in even more effort. That is perfectly fine. In fact, one who can overcome and convert their weakness into a strength deserves our admiration. So don’t be discouraged. You are becoming better.
We emerge crying and screaming,
The clock begins ticking.
Its hands mark our moments,
Sweeping relentlessly,
Counting down till our end.
Be it brief or long,
In absolute time,
It is about how we feel about it.
We can let it rule us,
Falling into pits of anxiety over how little we have,
Grasping, filling every bit with busyness,
Too impatient even to enjoy life as it rushes us along.
Falling into infernos of anxiety over how much we have,
Trapped in a waiting room where our turn never seems to come.
We are short on time,
Yet we need to take the time.
Because it is limited,
It is precious.
So we have to respect it,
But yet not respect it too much.
We have to care about it,
But yet not care too much.
Don’t procrastinate.
Respect other people’s time.
Take the time.
Figure out what is important to you.
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Avoid spending time on what is not important to you.
Plan. Prepare.
Be patient with yourself.
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